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I wrote this 'parable' about Christian prayer at the point of realising that I could no longer have a sincere faith in God. It is designed to show you just how ridiculous prayer actually is. In any other area of life there's just no way a normal person would put up with it. But somehow every Christian does!
Now, I know that critics of this analogy will pick up on a couple of obvious points, so please allow me to defend them right away:
1) God is not supposed to be a slot machine - he's not there just to make your life comfortable and answer your prayers as if you're rattling off a shopping list.
2) God is Omnipotent and we are small. What right do we have to take this kind of indignant attitude with the creator of the Universe? We're here to serve him, not the other way around.
I defend both of these criticisms with the same answer:
Apparently I am important enough that He felt I was worth the death of His one and only Son - if He's prepared to give up all of that for my salvation surely that means I can at least question why He isn't prepared to come through in other areas, especially when they are important issues to me. Christianity is about relationship with God and by definition that means its a two way thing - I'm there for Him and he promises to be there when I need him. Why then is it so wrong to trust him to answer a prayer once in a while?
Anyway - that said - on with the analogy...

The Cabinet
Shop: “Hello, Office Supplies Limited… How can I help you?”
Customer: “Oh, hello… Last Thursday I noticed your poster outside the shop. It said that you can order any of the cabinets on show inside and have them in store for pick-up in one week.”
Shop: “Yes, that’s correct, sir”
Customer: “Yes, well, I found one that I liked and ordered it. The assistant said that he would order it and it would be in this Friday. I’m just checking to see if it’s arrived as promised.”
Shop: “Have you got a catalogue number for the cabinet, sir?”
Customer: “Yes, its 341-211”
Shop: “Thank you, sir. One moment please, sir. I’ll just go out back and check…”
Shop: “…Hello, sir?”
Customer: “Do you have it?”
Shop: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but it appears that the cabinet hasn’t been delivered yet.”
Customer: “What? But the assistant promised it would be here.”
Shop: “Ah, well, I’m afraid it just happens that way sometimes, sir.”
Customer: “Eh? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Shop: “Well, sometimes people order a cabinet and it just doesn’t turn up, sir. Some cabinets do and some cabinets don’t .”
Customer: “That’s not very professional is it?”
Shop: “Well, I know for a fact that our stores in Africa and Texas have a fantastic response time. I heard that only last week seventy people all ordered the same cabinet, and they were all in ready for pick-up the following day. A miracle really. In fact, there was this shop in Kenya where all the staff saw one of the cabinets miraculously assemble itself.”
Customer: “Indeed! But has that ever happened in this shop?”
Shop: “Well… it’s a different atmosphere over here. Things don’t happen in quite the same way.”
Customer: “That’s ridiculous. It’s the same supplier isn’t it? So why is it they can deliver properly over there, but not here?”
Shop: “I’m sorry, sir. As I said, things are different here.”
Customer: “Look, am I going to get my cabinet or not?”
Shop: “That depends, sir.”
Customer: “Depends?! Depends on what?”
Shop: “Well, it all depends on the manager’s timing. He knows best you see, sir.”
Customer: “But the poster outside has a guarantee and I really needed it tonight.”
Shop: “Yes, sir. But the manager’s ways are not our ways. And sometimes we just can’t understand why these things happen.”
Customer: “So, I’m not getting the cabinet I asked for then?”
Shop: “I didn’t say that, sir. It’s just that sometimes the cabinets come in ways we don’t expect.”
Customer: “Look, I’m getting really fed up with this. I only want the cabinet that’s been promised to me. Is it too much to ask the manager considering its no inconvenience to him? You’d think he’d be a little more concerned about his reputation too.”
Shop: “Well perhaps you might get better results if you adjusted your attitude a little, sir. Are you the sort of person that deserves a cabinet? You sound a bit arrogant to me, sir.”
Customer: “Now listen… I’m trying to be patient but this is really beginning to get ridiculous. I didn’t have an attitude until you started to give me all these excuses.”
Shop: “I’m afraid I won’t be able to continue this conversation unless you calm down, sir.”
Customer: “Fine. Can you just let me speak to the manager then? Perhaps I can take this up with him instead.”
Shop: “He won’t speak to you unless you change your tune and say sorry first, sir.”
Customer: “What? He made a promise that he won’t deliver and he wants me to apologise to him?”
Shop: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “What sort of a manager is he?”
Shop: “Oh, he’s a wonderful manager, sir. He’s completely reliable.”
Customer: “Well, that’s not my experience so far. What makes you think he’s so brilliant?”
Shop: “I’ve seen his references. They’re absolutely amazing, he’s the best there is.”
Customer: “Oh really. Well how d’you know you can trust these references?”
Shop: “The references are very trustworthy, sir - they come from a very reliable source.”
Customer: “Can you tell me who? I’d like to contact them?”
Shop: “The manager, sir.”
Customer: “Huh? The manager?”
Shop: “Yes, sir?”
Customer: “You mean to tell me that the manager wrote his own references?”
Shop: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “I see… Well how do you know… Oh forget it. Look, what are you going to do about my cabinet?”
Shop: “Just trust in the manager and everything will work out fine, sir.”
Customer: “How can you say that? You already told me the cabinet isn’t available.”
Shop: “There are hundreds and hundreds of other satisfied customers that would tell you the same.”
Customer: “Ah, so they all got their cabinets then?”
Shop: “The manager is never wrong, sir. If something goes wrong with the order then either the customer goofed up in some way, misread the poster or the cabinet they chose just wasn’t right for them.”
Customer: “Stop avoiding the question. Did all these other satisfied customers get the cabinets they were promised or not?”
Shop: “As I said earlier, sir, the manager’s ways are not our ways and it wouldn’t be appropriate to question his methods. He knows a lot more about cabinets than we do.”
Customer: “Whatever… I’ll just have to make my own instead won’t I? Thanks anyway!”
Shop: “Oh, please don’t give up sir. If you try again next week, we might be able to get it for you… or maybe the week after.”
Customer: “What’s so different about next week or the week after?”
Shop: “Sometimes it just pays to be persistent but patient, sir. Remember the manager’s timing.”
Customer: “How long do you think I should wait then?”
Shop: “Oh, not long, sir. You’ll soon forget all about this cabinet, and we’ll be having the same discussion about a completely different cabinet in no time at all. It happens exactly like that with all the other customers. As long as they get a cabinet once in a rare blue moon, they’re very happy.”
Customer: “I can’t believe this! I’m going to a different store.”
Shop: “Of course you’re perfectly free to go elsewhere, sir, but…”
Customer: “But what?”
Shop: “Well, sir, all the other store managers are liars. They’ll sell you a cabinet sure enough, but no manager is more reliable than ours. He actually gave up a career as a leading rocket scientist just so people like you could have the privilege of being able to buy a cabinet from him. How ungrateful of you to ignore that! But of course… feel free to go elsewhere - He won’t hold it against you.”
Customer: “Well, when he’s as good with cabinets as he is with rockets I’ll come back for one, until then I’ll take my chances. Goodbye!”